Silence of the Pigs…

Peppa sodding pig.

A spoilt little brat.

A know it all.

A walking, talking pork pie.

If you hadn’t guessed, she drives me up the wall, and sadly my boys think she’s brilliant.

My 2 year olds bedroom is like a shrine to her, my 6 year old sings the songs loud and proud like they’re the national anthem of our country and the 8 year old pretends to hate it but secretly, he loves it.

My bugbears with Peppa ‘pork chop’ Pig are…

  1. Muddy puddles. Yes, I know these are fun, and at the weekend or after school, whatever. Knock yourselves out kids. Splash, jump, lie down, bathe in them, I don’t care, but on the way to school? In uniforms? No. Not a bloody chance. Even in Wellies. The muddy water goes right up the inside of the trousers, all over their coats and then they look and smell like Stig of the dump for the rest of the day. No Peppa pig, muddy puddles are not always fun. Do me a favour and go jump in a deep one…
  2. Mr Potato. Seriously? WTAF?? A singing, dancing Potato?? (Yes I know, because all the other characters are so believable too….) It’s not so much him I have the problem with but, quite often, my kids will watch this crap at dinner time. Sometimes they’ll have potatoes for dinner, in the form of mash, chips, waffles, smiley faces, croquettes (I could list more potato products but I won’t as I’m already ashamed i can name so many…) and on more than one occasion, the appearance of Mr Potato has caused a dinner table kerfuffle because my children couldn’t be seen to be eating poor Mr Potato or any of his relatives…yes really. They thought they had become cannibals. Add to that the fact they’re often eating PORK sausages along withtheir potato products and you have yourselves a full on Defcon:5 situation. Peppa pig cannibalism of the highest order…
  3. Peppa pig causes the Daily Fail, sorry, I clearly meant Daily Mail,  column crap spouters, to write shite like this (Daily Mail: I’ve banned my children from watching Peppa Pig) – basically saying that Peppa Pig is the sole reason for their child’s questionable behaviour. You’ve got to be kidding me… Peppa Pig is not the sole reason your child is stomping their feet, or bossing their younger sibling about, or answering you back. It’s got everything to do with the fact that this is what kids do (and the parent writes for the Daily Mail…that’s enough to make anyone rebel and act like an utter wazock) Kids all behave like this from time to time and that’s what makes Peppa Pork Chop so wonderful to them. They can relate to her. I’m not saying I like her anymore because of this, but I’m saying I understand the appeal of her from a kids point of view. Unfortunately.
  4. Mummy Pig and Daddy Pig never loose their sh*t. Ever. They’re so bloody calm. Even when Peppa has spoken to them like poo on the bottom of her shoe, they still laugh and giggle at her. I’d be like, “No. Nope, I don’t think so young lady. You don’t stamp your feet, shout and squeal because you want some chocolate cake, or have a tantrum because you want to take your pet goldfish for a ride on the bus, go and sit on the naughty step and think about your behaviour!”. And they never drink. Not once have I seen Daddy pig crack open a beer after a crap day of drawing important shapes at the office, nor mummy pig pour a gin after a very strenuous game of Happy Mrs Chicken…

So there we have it. My bug bears with Peppa Pig revealed.

Now to shut the pig up once and for all…if I can’t stick an apple in her mouth to do it, I’ll use a Hannibal mask. The madness cannot continue!!!!

The pig must be silenced….



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