Painting on a smile…

fog bow scotland

I posted this on my Facebook page today but felt it needed sharing on here too so  apologies if you’ve already read it over there.

Sometimes it’s the people who seem the strongest, who are actually the ones who are struggling the most.

A bit of a serious one this morning, but reading this post over my morning coffee stopped me in my tracks.

On this blogging journey I’ve ‘met’ (albeit virtually) some wonderful people and one of these wonderful people is Laura from Dear bear and beany.
It’s a funny old place the blogging world, but Laura has been around for a similar amount of time as me and we just ‘clicked’. She is kind, knowledgeable, funny and caring and nothing is ever too much trouble for her.

So this morning, as I read her post about her hidden struggle with post natal depression, you can imagine my shock and sadness that;
1) I had no idea so couldn’t support her when she must have really needed it, and;
2) She has had to hide it and try to carry on as normal just so people think she is coping.
It broke my heart.

The sad thing is, I know many people that silently struggle on and I truly believe it’s beyond important to seek solace in someone, even if it’s one person, so the burden is shared.

I got a message from a lovely reader of mine a week or so ago with a poem she had written about suffering from PND. I didn’t know when was the right time to share it. It was so honest and so raw that I couldn’t just put it on Facebook without doing it justice.

Anyhow, I feel that now is a good time to share it, along with Laura’s post at the bottom. The two things combined are so powerful and if reading this helps just one person, it was completely worth them bearing their souls like this.

You aren’t alone.
There is help out there.
Tell a friend.
Things can get better.

Loads of love Knutters.

“Every day I try my best,
To smile and say I’m fine,
But the truth is that sometimes,
My worst enemy is my mind.

I can’t always see through,
The clouds inside my head,
The thoughts that spiral inside,
Whirl around and spread.

I know I have a lovely life,
A family I can call mine,
A job, a house, a happy place
A husband that is kind.

So many things have happened,
All of which have made me me,
The person that I am,
But not the one I long to be.

All these jumbled mixed up feelings
I wish I could just sort
The anxiety and depression,
The horrid meaningless thoughts.

They stop me feeling happy,
These feelings that lie inside,
The crippling depression,
I try desperately to hide.

One day I will be better,
One day I will be free,
One day I will be happy,
One day I will feel like a new me”.
By Chloe.

 And here (below) is a link to Laura’s post.

DO head on over for a read and leave her a comment if you like. I am sure she will find comfort in the fact she has been understood and isn’t alone.

Living with Post-natal depression behind closed doors.

By Laura @ Dear Bear and Beany.



  1. January 17, 2017 / 10:09 am

    What a beautiful and honest post it was, awesome for sharing it Gem, helping to raise awareness is so fricking important x
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  2. admin
    January 17, 2017 / 10:11 am

    It’s just so sad people have to hide it isn’t it. The world we live in I suppose. No time to be sick… ;-(
    I hope you’re doing ok at the moment too

  3. January 17, 2017 / 6:26 pm

    Great post lovely, I had a little cry reading Laura’s post this morning, I feel like everyone is always battling something in silence which is just so sad. Xxx

  4. January 18, 2017 / 11:10 am

    Thank you so much for all your support Gem. You are a wonderful kind person and I really appreciate it. xx

  5. admin
    January 18, 2017 / 11:50 am

    Absolutely Nat.xx Had me sobbing too. X

  6. admin
    January 18, 2017 / 11:50 am

    Totally is and thank you for sharing too.x

  7. admin
    January 18, 2017 / 11:51 am

    The least I could do Laura. Just sobbed reading it yesterday. Love you to the gin bar and

  8. January 23, 2017 / 8:45 am

    Such an amazing post, I hope sufferers know they are not alone and reach out for help. #bigpinklink

  9. January 23, 2017 / 9:06 am

    I read the post from Laura, it really touched me. I’ve suffered from PND too and it resonated so much with me. This is beautiful. #bigpinklink
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  10. January 23, 2017 / 9:09 am

    Oh I read Laura’s post this week too and was also shocked – I really hope that the writing of the words will really help too and the support from fellow bloggers too of course. That poem is beautiful – that line of the mind being your enemy – i think we can all elate to that in some shape and form – it can be so against you sometimes can’t it which is ironic because it should be on your side . Thank you for sharing xx #BigPinkLink
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  11. January 23, 2017 / 10:19 am

    This is so lovely Gemma, and you are so right, you really never know what is going on behind the words on a blog or the pretty squares on Instagram. I think sometimes our real deep inner emotions are hidden from everyone, even those closest to us. Good to have you back on #BigPinkLink

  12. January 23, 2017 / 10:44 am

    This is so lovely Gemma, like you, Laura’s post really moved me. As someone who has suffered with PND for almost 13 years now, it’s so important to me that we keep speaking about mental health and sharing our stories so that others don’t feel that they are suffering alone. Such a lovely poem too, thank you for hosting #bigpinklink
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  13. admin
    January 23, 2017 / 11:08 am

    Ah, thanks Laura. I couldn’t agree more. Thankfully I escaped PND but ever just as someone who has 3 kids and has down days because it gets ‘too much’ (as everyone does now and the ) I can fully imagine how utterly life consuming and debilitating it is to suffer from it. You’re all inspirational and so very

  14. admin
    January 23, 2017 / 11:10 am

    Ah, thanks so much Kirsty. It really did make me so sad to read Laura’s post. Instasham makes it very easy to paint a picture of happiness doesn’t it.xx Thanks for being so sweet as always and well done on being awarded with WOW this week! You’re super clever.xx

  15. admin
    January 23, 2017 / 11:11 am

    Absolutely Helen. The mind is both beautiful and beastly isn’t it. You’re so lovely and thanks so much for joining the link up. I know Laura really appreciated all the love and support last

  16. admin
    January 23, 2017 / 11:12 am

    Bless you Rach. It’s just unspeakably cruel PND. A time you should feel happy but in fact you feel anything but. Thanks for joining and showing your support. I know Laura appreciates it.x

  17. admin
    January 23, 2017 / 11:13 am

    Thanks Heather. I hope so too. Very Brave of them to admit there is a problem, let alone share it with the world. Thanks for joining in.x

  18. January 23, 2017 / 11:16 am

    Brilliant post, it is always such a good idea to highlight and raise awareness about PND. I never even knew you could suffer with pre natal depression until it hit me during this pregnancy. We go through so much mentally and physically, is it any wonder that things get too much sometimes?! Such a powerful poem and heartfelt post. I hope they feel brighter through the support they will gain from this. #bigpinklink

  19. January 23, 2017 / 12:00 pm

    What a touching post. It’s so important to highlight PND #bigpinklink

  20. January 23, 2017 / 12:37 pm

    I didn’t suffer PND, but I always hope posts like this find their way to the people that need because knowing you’re not alone is so important. #bigpinklink

  21. January 23, 2017 / 12:39 pm

    It’s so true, you never know what is really going on with other people. Depression is easily masked and it’s not something that people like to share. Thank you for sharing a Laura’s post #BigPinkLink
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  22. January 23, 2017 / 1:35 pm

    I read Laura’s post the other day too and was surprised as there had been no previous hint of it on her blog. It’s so sad that PND (as well as other forms of Mental Illness) still have such a stigma attached to them. Some people can be very judgmental about it and that prevents people asking for help when they really need to. I speak from experience. I think it’s great that you’re highlighting the issue. The more open we are about, the more people who are struggling will be able to access the help and support they need #BigPinkLink
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  23. January 23, 2017 / 1:55 pm

    it was truly the hardest of times in my life- hugs to Laura.


  24. January 23, 2017 / 2:32 pm

    It’s so true, you never know what’s going on behind closed doors and what people are having to deal with. The important message is that you don’t have to deal with it alone. Thanks for sharing. #BigPinkLInk x
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  25. January 23, 2017 / 2:47 pm

    Oh this brought a tear to my eye… I remember a family member quite clearly (to me anyway) suffering from PND and it was so hard to get anyone else to understand that’s what it was. Thank you for posting #bigpinklink xx

  26. January 23, 2017 / 3:34 pm

    Great post to raise awareness. So many people suffer silently with this for fear of being judged. The poem is beautiful. #bigpinklink

  27. January 23, 2017 / 8:27 pm

    What a good egg you are – I am sure you have been there for her without even knowing about the PND thing. Just by being a friend. xx
    Thanks for hosting #bigpinklink
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  28. January 23, 2017 / 8:48 pm

    What a fab poem! I agree it’s so sad that people hide it but it’s a common way of dealing with it.


  29. January 23, 2017 / 9:27 pm

    Thank you for highlighting an important issue, thank you for sharing the poem, and thank you for directing me to Laura’s post, which was so striking. It is always so supportive to read a post that says, “You know what, parenting doesn’t always come naturally, it’s hard, and it takes work.” Obviously, PND is a lot more than that too, but we can all help each other by being honest. This is why I have come to love being part of the blogging community. #bigpinklink
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  30. January 23, 2017 / 11:15 pm

    Feel for anyone who goes through depression and it is often associated with the strongest people. I have written a lot on my blog about my experiences with depression including post-natal depression which left me in darkness for many years but I am out now thanks to medication, support largely from online friends and bloggers and a bit of self-love. It can be done and the other side is lovely but you can’t always do it for yourself so pat yourself on the back whenever you raise awareness like this.

  31. January 24, 2017 / 12:05 am

    A great poem that covers so many serious emotions. I read Laura’s post today, very moving and brave. #bigpinklink

  32. January 24, 2017 / 12:40 pm

    One of the best things I have discovered about blogging and the internet is that we really aren’t alone, and in the moments of greatest sadness we can take strength from those around us. What a beautiful poem! #bigpinklink
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  33. January 24, 2017 / 4:32 pm

    Thank you for sharing this. Both the poem and Laura’s post are beautifuly written. It’s so true that we never really know what people are facing behind closed doors. I know from my own experiences how hard it can be to open up and hiding behind a fake smile always seems so much easier x
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  34. January 25, 2017 / 9:41 am

    I totally agree that you need someone to Talk to. Sometimes It helps if It’s someone not too close so you can really say what you mean. Great post! Thank you for sharing these brilliant pieces of writing #BigPinkLink

  35. January 25, 2017 / 9:00 pm

    As a fellow PND sufferer, thank you for speaking out and helping raise awareness for something so horrible. I feel like I have lost precious moments from the first few months of my sons life due to this nasty thing. Thankfully, I am now on the road to recovery and finally feel like I can be there to support others as you are.
    Thank you also for sharing the poem just summed up everything so perfectly. It is so frustrating when you know what you have yet feel to numb to appreciate your life. #bigpinklink

  36. January 26, 2017 / 9:54 pm

    This has made me cry, the poem, your words about Laura and just everything. I’ve recently written about this too and opening up really has helped, even just a little bit. I don’t know why so many suffer in silence xx #bigpinklink

  37. January 27, 2017 / 7:48 am

    Having suffered from postnatal depression I know what it’s like and how difficult it is to come out and ask for help. Thank you so much for sharing. #bigpinklink
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  38. admin
    January 27, 2017 / 7:56 am

    Bless your heart honey. You’re a superstar and well done for coming out the other side. It’s so cruel. Sending love.xx

  39. admin
    January 27, 2017 / 7:57 am

    Oh Wendy, sending you huge hugs. It was a very emotional thing to discuss and as someone who escaped it I feel like a bit of a fraud pretending to know what it’s like but if I can help spread the message and reach others I suppose that’s the main thing. Well done you for being Brave. You ladies are

  40. admin
    January 27, 2017 / 7:59 am

    Ah, thanks

  41. admin
    January 27, 2017 / 7:59 am

    Absolutely. Thanks Alana and well done you coming out the other

  42. admin
    January 27, 2017 / 8:00 am

    Such a lovely thing to say. You’re so

  43. admin
    January 27, 2017 / 8:00 am

    It sure was Fiona, she has been overwhelmed by the love from everyone.x

  44. admin
    January 27, 2017 / 8:01 am

    Bless your heart Katy. What lovely lovely words. Thank you and well done to

  45. admin
    January 27, 2017 / 8:02 am

    Parenting is so tough, you’re right, let alone with PND to contend with. Nobody tells you how hard it’ll be at time do they. Thanks so much for your lovely words.xx

  46. admin
    January 27, 2017 / 8:02 am

    Certainly is Jenny. We don’t like to think we can’t cope.x

  47. admin
    January 27, 2017 / 8:03 am

    Ahhhh. That made me cry. Such lovely words, thanks

  48. admin
    January 27, 2017 / 8:03 am

    Absolutely. Thanks

  49. January 27, 2017 / 3:34 pm

    Such a lovely honest post. It’s a shame so many people feel like they have to hide away that their unable to share their feelings with others. Posts like this are brilliant because not only do they raise awareness but they also give people who are suffering in silence the confidence that they are not alone! #bigpinklink
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  50. January 28, 2017 / 1:08 am

    I cannot imagine how difficult that must be, to feel depressed at what should be a joyous time. And the added pressures of crying., sleeplessness, anxiety…thanks for bringing out the awareness. It’s so important we all know about this so we can take good care of eachother and encourage help and support. #BigPinkLink

  51. January 28, 2017 / 1:00 pm

    It must be such a weird and crazy feeling for you women to know are happy, know that you want to be happy and yet your mind/body is telling you differently. And what a horrible time to experience such feelings.

    You are right, you never know what it going on with people behind closed doors.

    Its a lovely poem, thanks for sharing.


  52. January 29, 2017 / 8:47 am

    I couldn’t agree more with this, you just don’t know what other people are going through. Thanks so much for highlighting this. #BigPinkLink
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  53. January 29, 2017 / 11:47 am

    It is so true you never know what is going on in peoples lives. Both the poem and Laura’s post is so honest and from the heart. I truly hope that it helps other people out there who are going through the same. So proud of Laura for writing this post, you are right she is one of the nicest people you could meet #bigpinklink
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  54. Tracey Abrahams
    January 29, 2017 / 12:48 pm

    As someone who suffered from PND i recognise the feelings in the post and poem. So many people suffer in silence from this and other forms of depression so its grest that posts like this can tell people theyre not alone xx

  55. January 29, 2017 / 7:52 pm

    Such a beautiful and honest poem- your reader really has a way with words. I am so pleased to see more people discussing and talking about PND, I really hope its helping and encouraging others to find the help they need . Thank you for being a most wonderful co-host this week, I couldn’t have done it without you!! xx #bigpinklink
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  56. January 30, 2017 / 12:26 am

    Gosh that poem is absolutely heart wrenching. I went through it (not officially diagnosed but there’s no way it was anything other than PND) with my second. He was ill too which didn’t help and honestly the PND was such a blight on what should have been a happy time. #bigpinklink
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  57. February 3, 2017 / 12:56 pm

    I absolutely love the honesty in this poem, it’s so touching, and beautiful. I have also just popped over and read Laura’s post about PND, and I’m not too familiar with her blog, but see a lot of her on IG, and honestly had no idea that she was suffering. But a lot of her post rang true for me too-I also had a small gap between my children (14 months,) and the moment I was handed the smallest one, something in my head said ‘what have you done?’ and I cried for 3 hours, wondering how the hell I was going to cope. I refused to ever ask anyone for help, because in my eyes, I’d made that decision to have a small gap, and it was all down to me to do every single bit of the caring. Four months later, I was confused, hallucinating, unable to ever sleep, and nearly hospitalised. The children ended up partially living with my mum, and with us when my husband wasn’t at work, while I had loads of therapy-so the thing that I was worried about happening, not doing all of the caring, was happening anyway, because of my refusal to ask for help. I still have days (sometimes weeks) now, where I don’t want to see anyone, or leave the house, and I feel like I’m a total failure to my children and everyone I know. Always ask for the help!! It’s the best advice there is. xx
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  58. admin
    February 7, 2017 / 6:45 am

    I really didn’t do much Han! I’m still so clueless about most of this blogging stuff Thanks for holding my hand

  59. admin
    February 7, 2017 / 6:46 am

    Bless you Prabs. That sounds utterly awful, you poor thing. It’s so cruel how PND works, robs you of your happiness.x

  60. admin
    February 7, 2017 / 6:47 am

    Sending love Brandi. Thanks for writing and I hope you are ok.x

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