I’m going to write you a short little tale,
about a toddler who had a slight nappy fail.
I’m not making this up, it really did occur,
It’s a little effed up, I think you’ll concur…
One sunny morning, the toddler awoke,
he came waddling in like a big burly bloke.
His legs were all bowed, like he’d ridden a horse,
but he hadn’t for he’d only just woken, of course.
I looked at him baffled, he seemed very upset,
“What’s the matter my chap, is your nappy wet?”
“Poo poo!” he shouted whilst grabbing his bum,
Ah, the glamorous life of being a mum…
“It’s ok little man, mummy will help you,
don’t get upset about a little bit of poo”.
The toddler continued to grab at his nappy,
the poor little mite really wasn’t too happy…
I collected some wipes and sorted his clothes,
then steeled myself ready to cover my nose,
I undid the nappy, I was full of trepidation,
was I going to be greeted with another brown creation?
“Poo poo!” the toddler continued to shout,
“It’s ok little Ben, I’m sorting it out…”
As I open the nappy, to my complete surprise,
there isn’t a poo waiting before my eyes.
“What the fuck!” I exclaim, “what the hell is this?!”
“I was expecting a poo and a bit of piss!”
I’m not telling a lie, just picture the scene,
I’d only unearthed a sodding Lightening McQueen!
A Lightening McQueen was there in his nappy,
no wonder the poor little sod was unhappy!
A little piss sodden, but otherwise fine,
I used a few baby wipes to make it shine.
“How on earth did this get stuck in there my boy?
That’s not the best place to be hiding a toy!”
Ben cuddles his car and he smiles at me,
and there ends the tale of the nappy mishappy.
Only in my world would one of my kids wake up at 6:15am and cry that they’ve done a poo, only for me to change them and find there is not in fact a shit in their nappy, but a toy car.
Thankfully, it would appear it was placed there by Ben as he was going to sleep and he had forgotten about it. Mr McQueen hadn’t passed through the littlest one’s digestive system – that would be some road trip, get writing that idea down post-haste Disney Pixar!
One to be saved for his 18th Birthday I think…