(Not so) Happy Campers

image_pdfimage_print

(Not so) Happy Campers

 

We are going camping, we’re staying in a tent, but before we go on this little jaunt, I think I need to vent…

I love sleeping under canvas, under the moon and stars so bright, but there are a few little problems that piss me off and could really start a fight.

You see, when we pack for camping, we have to load the car, but my husband will have a meltdown before we even get that far.

He will strop he has to pack his bag and say I’ve packed too much, I swear that if he moans anymore, he’ll be walking with a crutch.

The kids will be excited, they’ll be jumping round the place, but then my hubby goes into Hulk mode when they’re jumping in his face.

He will shout at them to, “calm down now, or we’re not getting in the car!” I told you he would have a strop before we got too far…

The packing is really stressful, all the clothes and food and toys, and then there’s all the cycling stuff for our MAMIL loving boys.

You see the reason we go camping is so the men can ride their bikes, down a great big chuffing mountain, doing what they like.

Anyhow, back to the packing of our bags, I pack up all the food, my husband see’s how much I’m taking and says something quite rude…

“How many of us are there?! Are we camping for year?! You’re taking half of Sainsbury’s all we need is chuffing beer!”

“You see my darling husband, we have little people who,  need cakes and crisps and shit like that so just shut up! Screw you!”

A pleasant little exchange of words I’m sure you’ll all agree, camping really brings out the best in us, and our little children, three.

When the time arrives to pack the car, my husband will have a fit, I really try to restrain myself but i can’t help calling him a git.

He swears at all the sleeping bags and kicks the tailgate, I feel like cancelling on our trip but I can’t now, it’s too late.

“Just stop it man, it’ll all fit in, you really just need to calm down!” My words are met with angry eyes and a snarly looking frown.

He throws stuff in and squashes it to make it fit alright. “Hmmmm, maybe he did have a point, it’s going to be quite tight…”

Eventually the car is packed, you can barely see the kids, I’ll keep my mouth shut from now on so my marriage doesn’t hit the skids.

The car starts up and off we go to glorious sunny (pahahaha!) Wales, where the men will put their lycra on and cycle down lots of trails.

Hopefully the mummy’s will be able to enjoy a cider or two, in between the kids yelling at us that they need to do a poo.

“Isn’t camping wonderful, a break away from the norm!” It is as long as my husband shuts up and we don’t get hit by a storm.

Your sincerely a soon to be (not so) happy camper.

Mrs Knutts.x


Closing thoughts…

My brain at night whilst camping

“What was that noise?!”
“Did you hear that?!”

“Are there bears in Wales?!”
“What about Wolves??”

“There’s a mosquito in here…”

“Can you see the mosquito?”

“I’m cold”

“I’m hot”

“What was that noise?!”

“I think the airbed is going down”

“This is actually quite fun”

“I think that car is heading for our tent!”

“Did you hear that?!”

“Fuck this, I want to go home”

“Are you asleep?”

“Psssst, I said, are you asleep?”

“It must be nearly morning, the birds are singing…”
“Oh christ, it’s only 3am”

“I can hear that mosquito again”

“I hope the kids are alright”

“I hope the kids are warm enough”

“I hope the kids aren’t too hot”

“Did you hear that?!”

“This air bed is definitely going down…”

“I think I saw a spider”

“I might need a wee in a minute”

“Shut up fucking snoring will you!”

“It’s too dark and scary to go for a wee, I must hold it until dawn breaks!”

“Did you hear that? It’s definitely a Bear…”

************************

 


Mummascribbles

Follow:

17 Comments

  1. August 2, 2016 / 6:49 am

    Ahahahaha just brilliant!!! Sounds like every camping trip we’ve ever been on. Things are better now we have a campervan though! My husband is a mountain biker too, I’m pretty sure he has some in mind when we go to France, I’m not impressed!
    Louise Pink Pear Bear recently posted…Big Pink Link 1st August!My Profile

  2. August 2, 2016 / 8:35 am

    Haha, this is fab! I am definitely not a camper. In fact, I hate it. I once rang my Dad to pick me up from Reading Festival as I hated camping so much. I had a shower at home and then asked to be taken back, which he dutifully did.. I then called him again the next morning to pick me up again. (My poor Dad!) Turned out I was allergic to the feathers in my sleeping bag which meant I couldn’t breathe. That was the last time I went camping, but my husband keeps making noises about it being a fun family thing to do…

  3. August 2, 2016 / 10:37 am

    N always wants to take his bike, but this year it’s too big to fit in the car, and not big enough frame to fit on a bike rack. He did miss it while away but he lived. Thankfully my OH won’t come camping. It does avoid a lot of the stress.

  4. August 2, 2016 / 10:54 am

    This is brilliant!! Had me laughing along. Somehow the idea of camping is better than the reality! X #twinklytuesdays

  5. admin
    August 2, 2016 / 2:21 pm

    I think so too Hannah. We are now looking into getting a camper van because the husband thinks this will help his rage… Expensive way to calm himself down if you ask me 😉 xx

  6. admin
    August 2, 2016 / 2:23 pm

    What a lovely idea! He could go and take the kids and I can stay at home for some peace and quiet… 😉
    Oh bless him, that’s difficult when they’re at the inbetween stage. We have said no bikes for the same reason, apart from the husbands…
    Boys eh?!
    Thanks for reading and writing.xxx

  7. admin
    August 2, 2016 / 2:25 pm

    Oh Katy!!!!!!! I couldn’t help but giggle at that. Reading festival is a terrible place to camp. Scuzz city isn’t it!
    I went last year but only for the day and I was glad to get home to my shower and a bed I can tell you!
    The kids love camping, it’s just all the stuff you have to take. It’s meant to be ‘getting back to basics’ but you really can’t when you have kids. If it was just us, we would eat in a pub every night or do some walking and not stres about food etc too much but the kids ask for a snack every 5 minutes…have to be prepared for every eventuality too don’t we! 😉 I’ll let you know how it goes. We leave Thursday…. xx

  8. admin
    August 2, 2016 / 2:27 pm

    Oh!!! A camper van! We went to look at some on Saturday -would you recommend it?! We like the thought of taking it over to Europe and road tripping a bit with the kids but don’t know if i am conjouring an image of family bliss that will never come to fruition… Hahahaha!!!! xxx

  9. August 2, 2016 / 7:23 pm

    Yes, camping. The idea is a lovely one but the reality is so often a bit shit! The packing and unpacking are by far the worst bits, though. Hope you have/had fun in the end…!
    Thanks for linking up with #chucklemums

  10. August 2, 2016 / 8:59 pm

    LOL. I hate camping and this completely confirms why I hate it so much. Oh and I bloody hate creepy crawlers too #chucklemums

  11. August 2, 2016 / 9:40 pm

    Well done for going with “git” and not “shit” when referencing your husband 😉 Thanks for linking up to #chucklemums, this made me lol!

  12. admin
    August 3, 2016 / 9:51 am

    Thanks so much lovely! We go early tomorrow morning. Husband is already in breakdown mode as he left for work this morning because he hasn’t put the roof bars on the car ready for the roof box and hasn’t sorted his precious bike out yet either…could be a late night tonight on top of an early start tomorrow. Lord help me… 😉 xx

  13. admin
    August 3, 2016 / 9:52 am

    Haha!!! Oh bless you. I hate bugs too…not good with things that fly especially! I’ll let you all know how it goes!xx

  14. admin
    August 3, 2016 / 9:57 am

    Pahahaha!!! Do you know, it’s like you can see into my mind. I did write shit, and then changed it. I will say shit instead of git in my head though 😉
    We leave tomorrow…i feel a blog coming on! xx

  15. admin
    August 8, 2016 / 8:46 am

    Now I’m back, I’m deffo a glamper at heart… x

  16. admin
    August 8, 2016 / 8:48 am

    Totally Hannah, totally.xx

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge