The cleaning blogger stikes again…
Crikey, this woman could keep me going with writing material for bloody ages.
I got another email plop into my inbox this week. Another ‘handy hint’ to make my life full of happiness, cleanliness and joy. If this woman can actually achieve these things just through handy cleaning tips, she is more insightful than Mother Teresa.
This weeks handy hint is…
“Always back out of a room”.
No, not because there is a ninja hiding somewhere in there (though if you live with a toddler, that may well be the case as my blogging friend Yvonne has found in her blog post, The Bedtime Ninja) or because there is a being of higher command in the room that you mustn’t disrespect and turn your back on (again, this doesn’t apply if you live with a toddler, never turn your back on a toddler…), this cleaning oracle states that you must always back out of a room so you can declutter it as you go.
She says; “Before you leave a room, clean up. Don’t leave a room unless you can back out of it. This means that you are seeing what needs to be done before you leave the room”.
Are you all following this?! Do keep up…
She continues, “Today, I want you to do this. Right now, go to your bedroom and start there. Start in one corner of the room and clean it. Put everything away that is in that area that doesn’t belong. Get it organized and decluttered. Next do the whole wall – if there is a chair or bench on that wall, declutter it. A desk? Organize it. Do not leave that wall (don’t get distracted when you put away shoes and start on the closet… go back to that wall) until it is completely clean”.
I hope you’re all listening to her?! DO NOT LEAVE THAT WALL UNTIL IT IS COMPLETELY CLEAN!!! DO YOU HEAR?!
(In the name of all that is Holy, this woman needs to drink some chuffing Gin, remove her finger from her posterior and chill out a bit!)
She then says; “Do this all around your room. When you have finished, do a quick dusting and vacuuming”.
Are you having a bubble bath?! (for those not familiar with Cockney Rhyming slang, this means, ‘having a laugh’ or ‘are you fecking serious?!’) When you’re finished do a quick dusting and vacumuming?! I’m lucky if I can manage just the quick dusting part with some bloody baby wipes!
She finishes by saying, “It may take a little while to get this room clean during this first time (yeah, no shit Sherlock! The kids best pick themselves up from school and make themselves their dinner because I’m still backing out of the first room I was told not to leave the wall of until it was done!), but for the rest of the week, you will only have to keep up with it (oh, well that’s lucky. That sounds easy enough. I mean, there’s only 3 young boys to look after and their Dad who, once he’s home from work, reverts to toddler mode himself…minus the pooping in his pants bit). You will only have to back out of the room, cleaning up what you see quickly. This will stop it from getting out of control”.
So there we have it my fellow Knutters. The way to happiness is to walk backwards everywhere. You heard it here first!
If you give it a go, do let me know how you get on. If you don’t, high five to you and pour yourself a wine or G&T.