Deer with a Beer: Day 6

Well, I had an epic night yesterday watching the brilliant Red Hot Chili Peppers. They never age and they still sound as good as they did 20 years ago. Then, to top it off, I found out I have had an Instagram photo I took there feature in an NME online article about it today!

I might* have got a little bit excited about that…

(*I ran about the house squealing)

I felt so cool and trendy for about 2 hours but then I went back to cleaning poo off my toddlers butt cheeks and I remembered where my life is at. Keeping it real.

Anyhow, without further delay, here is day 6 of Deer with a Beer.

What has Rudolph done since finding out the revelations about his ex-wife?!




Deer with a Beer: Day 5

Day 5 of the big Christmas house and the toddler still doesn’t undertstand how the sodding advent calendar works!!!!

Give me strength!!!

He destroyed his middle brothers one so badly he was utterly hysterical on Friday. That was fun…

By some miracle, Nanny managed to find a replacement in good old Sainsburys. It isn’t a Pokemon calendar like his first one, but it has chocolate in and hasn’t been tampered with by a toddler. All is well again. For now…

Here is day 5 of Deer with a Beer!

Enjoy Knutters!




Toddler Photography…

I was flicking through the photos on my phone the other day and I stumbled over a picture that made me fall about laughing…after I had checked I hadn’t taken it myself and just forgotten about it of course.

#sievehead

The other day, at lunchtime, the toddler had my phone to watch that cartoon with the know it all talking pork pie and he must’ve tried out a bit of photography whilst he was at it.

This is his first ever photograph, to the best of my knowledge. What a snap to hold that accolade eh?!

IMG_3477

I can assure you all it’s half a banana…and that poor character on his plate has it right in her face.

He’s really got in close to capture it in all its erect glory hasn’t he?!

#watchoutdavidbailey




The Book Corner: A Review of Timmy Failure – Number 4

 “I don’t have a lot of time to tell you this next part, so I’m going to be brief. Corrina Corrina is so evil she could scare the tail off a beaver. She is ruthless and diabolical and cunning and immortal and destructive and malicious and vicious and dishonorable and corrupt and fraudulent and vile and nefarious and sordid and smelly and apparently one time I kissed her.

And with all that said, I’m now running out of time. So the point is this: Corrina Corrina stole the money. And I will hunt her down and get it back or my name is not Failure. And that means going wherever she goes.

And so, when my mother got to my hotel room that afternoon, she could not get angry with me, for I was already gone”.

Back page of the book cover for Timmy Failure. It tells you he is a detective destined for greatness...apparently.

A few weeks ago we were sent a book for my eldest lad to review.

It seemed right up his alley and, as a reluctant reader, I was really keen to see how he got on with the book and also what he thought of it.

The book is called;

Timmy Failure. Number 4. Sanitzed for your protection.

It is written by Stephan Pastis.

It is the 4th book in the Timmy Failure series and charts the crazy antics of a young chap called Timmy, who has his own detective agency….but sadly he is a pretty terrible detective!

It’s a really funny book that I would say is suitable for children aged 7+. My eldest is 8 and managed it perfectly, with just a little help here and there, and was heard giggling his head off most nights whilst he was reading it. A good sign that a kid is enjoying a  book…

If your child liked reading Tom Gates or The Wimpy Kid books, the Timmy Failure series is definitely up your U-bend…

In this particular book in the series, Timmy is using his detective skills to find out who stole the money from, ‘Yip Yap’. Yip Yap is the name given to a group of children from Timmy’s school, who are trying to raise money for a boy called Yergi Plimkin who sadly has no books. One week, they had a whopping 120 dollars but the next week, they only had 12 cents!

Suspicion!

Conspiracy!

Intrigue!

…and some really very funny jokes ensue.

Timmy would usually be on the case, sleuthing his way to find out who is responsible for such a terrible crime but this time, there is a problem. Timmy can’t investigate because he’s being dragged off on holiday to help his Mum’s new boyfriend, Doorman Dave, move into his new house in Chicago. On the way there, Mum’s car breaks down so her new friend Esther takes him and Total the Polar Bear (Timmy’s best friend and ally who loves to eat) to Chicago while Mum waits for the breakdown truck. His Mum’s friend, Esther, just so happens to be the Mum of a young lady called, Molly Moskins. And unfortunately, according to Timmy, Molly has committed many crimes, and is a prime suspect in the theft of Yip Yap’s money. He’s now riding in a car with a criminal mastermind, who also happens to like him…

Could life get any worse?!

Can he find out who stole Yip Yap’s money?

Can he survive this investigation with Molly Moskins fluttering her eyelashes and demanding to dance?


 My 8 year old LOVED reading this book.

He had lots of favourite bits, but he really loved the end, which I can’t tell you about because that would spoil the whole book, but lets just say, the ending hits all the right notes and gives your child a little life lesson in the process.

Luke, my eldest chap, said of the book;

I loved reading Timmy Failure! I now want to read the books before this one so that it makes a bit more sense to me because I wasn’t sure who some of the characters were to start off with. It made me laugh lots and I really liked the drawings on the pages, some of them were really funny. The chapters weren’t too long so if I just wanted to read a little bit I could and then read some more another day. I think all my friends would like this book and I want to ask school to get them in the library because then we can all read them.”

So, I think it is pretty safe to say, he loved the book and from what I read of it, I can completely see why!

It’s silly, funny, imaginative and not at all patronising to it’s audience. The language used in the book is appropriate and challenging (I’m not ashamed to admit that even I learnt a new word in the form of Nefarious!) so the perfect fit for a newly independent reader.

You can buy the Timmy Failure books here, as I say there are 4 in the series so far.

He also has his own website with games and other fun stuff on! Do give it a visit.

My eldest gives the book 10 out of 10!

High praise indeed!

Disclosure: I was sent a free copy of Timmy Failure to read and review. All words, thoughts and opinions are my own.



The Life is Knutts guide to de-cluttering…

Ah, the wonderful lady over at Your Modern Family, a home cleanliness and parenting website, has sent me another handy email about how to de-clutter my home.

Pahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!

She hasn’t seen my home.

It makes the local rubbish tip look like the Ritz at the moment thanks to the school holidays…

Anyhow, the creepily cheerful, and extremely helpful, American lady has offered me the chance to pay just $30, yes, that’s right, only $30 (just the price of a bottle of Craft Gin), to do a 7 day online course in de-cluttering my home.

Each day, for 7 days, she will email set challenges to me and I will be tasked with completing them so I can de-clutter not only my home, but my mind. Yes, really people, she can stop me from thinking about inane shite like, “is there any Saffron for that Paella tomorrow night left in the cupboard?” at 2am in the morning (I never worry about saffron, I just wanted to reassure you all that I was merely being facetious after a couple of glasses of Sangria).

She doesn’t divulge too much in the ‘teaser’ email (obviously, otherwise you won’t need to pay her $30, yes, that’s right folks! Just $30!) but she does say that she will;

– Set several tasks each day to do in your home.

– Give you specific rooms to work on.

– Give you zones in each room that you will work on.

– Walk through each step with you in each zone until it is done.

– Give you access to a Private Facebook Group (oh err!) where she will talk more about de-cluttering.

– Give you worksheets to print off so you can check things off as you go.

Doesn’t that all sound like fun?!

I feel less stressed already after just reading it!

Not.

It’s made me angry and want a Gin, that’s what it’s done.

I know my house is a mess. Acceptance has occurred.

There are 3 boys and one ‘man’ in this house who wee over the toilet seat, leave no bog roll on the holder so I have to “do the shake ‘n’ vac to put the freshness back”, if you get what I’m saying ladies, so I can shuffle away from the loo to replenish the loo roll that’s inevitably just out of reach from the loo to finish up and then there’s the constant leaving of shite around the downstairs to contend with. Socks, jumpers, crisp packets, toys, lycra cycling gear, cups, you name it, it’s lying around the downstairs somewhere.

I know that’s how it is and, for the sake of what’s left of my own sanity, I have come to realise that the mess isn’t really important and there are ‘bigger fish to fry’ in life. Going to Def-con level 9 over an abandoned sock down the sofa isn’t going to help anyone is it…

So, my lovely Knutters, screw the 7 day de-cluttering subscription.

There will be no backing out of rooms happening here.

There will be no checklists.

There will be no private Facebook Groups to join for a masturbate, sorry, MASS DEBATE, about de-cluttering techniques.

Here is my handy, Life is Knutts, 30 second de-cluttering guide…for FREE! 

(Go on, do yourselves a favour and save your $30 to buy a bottle of something nice).

How to de-clutter

– Pick up a black bin bag.

– Place items that you don’t want anymore, and that are out of place, in the black bin bag.

– Throw in the Bin.

– Any items you or your family may still want, throw in the bottom of a wardrobe or under stairs cupboard ready to sort it out ‘at some point’*.

*’At some point’ can be defined as, ‘before death occurs’, or even after death merely by delegating the task to a relative. No need to rush these things*.

– Open a bottle of something alcoholic and sit down to marvel at your impeccably ‘de-cluttered’ home.

Simples.

Don’t say I never give you anything…

😉

Gems.x

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