(Not so) Happy Campers


We are going camping, we’re staying in a tent, but before we go on this little jaunt, I think I need to vent…

I love sleeping under canvas, under the moon and stars so bright, but there are a few little problems that piss me off and could really start a fight.

You see, when we pack for camping, we have to load the car, but my husband will have a meltdown before we even get that far.

He will strop he has to pack his bag and say I’ve packed too much, I swear that if he moans anymore, he’ll be walking with a crutch.

The kids will be excited, they’ll be jumping round the place, but then my hubby goes into Hulk mode when they’re jumping in his face.

He will shout at them to, “calm down now, or we’re not getting in the car!” I told you he would have a strop before we got too far…

The packing is really stressful, all the clothes and food and toys, and then there’s all the cycling stuff for our MAMIL loving boys.

You see the reason we go camping is so the men can ride their bikes, down a great big chuffing mountain, doing what they like.

Anyhow, back to the packing of our bags, I pack up all the food, my husband see’s how much I’m taking and says something quite rude…

“How many of us are there?! Are we camping for year?! You’re taking half of Sainsbury’s all we need is chuffing beer!”

“You see my darling husband, we have little people who,  need cakes and crisps and shit like that so just shut up! Screw you!”

A pleasant little exchange of words I’m sure you’ll all agree, camping really brings out the best in us, and our little children, three.

When the time arrives to pack the car, my husband will have a fit, I really try to restrain myself but i can’t help calling him a git.

He swears at all the sleeping bags and kicks the tailgate, I feel like cancelling on our trip but I can’t now, it’s too late.

“Just stop it man, it’ll all fit in, you really just need to calm down!” My words are met with angry eyes and a snarly looking frown.

He throws stuff in and squashes it to make it fit alright. “Hmmmm, maybe he did have a point, it’s going to be quite tight…”

Eventually the car is packed, you can barely see the kids, I’ll keep my mouth shut from now on so my marriage doesn’t hit the skids.

The car starts up and off we go to glorious sunny (pahahaha!) Wales, where the men will put their lycra on and cycle down lots of trails.

Hopefully the mummy’s will be able to enjoy a cider or two, in between the kids yelling at us that they need to do a poo.

“Isn’t camping wonderful, a break away from the norm!” It is as long as my husband shuts up and we don’t get hit by a storm.

Your sincerely a soon to be (not so) happy camper.

Mrs Knutts.x

Closing thoughts…

My brain at night whilst camping

“What was that noise?!”
“Did you hear that?!”

“Are there bears in Wales?!”
“What about Wolves??”

“There’s a mosquito in here…”

“Can you see the mosquito?”

“I’m cold”

“I’m hot”

“What was that noise?!”

“I think the airbed is going down”

“This is actually quite fun”

“I think that car is heading for our tent!”

“Did you hear that?!”

“Fuck this, I want to go home”

“Are you asleep?”

“Psssst, I said, are you asleep?”

“It must be nearly morning, the birds are singing…”
“Oh christ, it’s only 3am”

“I can hear that mosquito again”

“I hope the kids are alright”

“I hope the kids are warm enough”

“I hope the kids aren’t too hot”

“Did you hear that?!”

“This air bed is definitely going down…”

“I think I saw a spider”

“I might need a wee in a minute”

“Shut up fucking snoring will you!”

“It’s too dark and scary to go for a wee, I must hold it until dawn breaks!”

“Did you hear that? It’s definitely a Bear…”