“You disgust me you hairy, overweight, beer soaked excuse for a bear!!! Aaarrrgggghhhhh!!!!!” Screamed Ruby…
And with that she flung herself at Rudolph, untied his cashmere scarf quicker than you can shout ‘gin!’ and charged like a mum who’s late for school pickup towards Big Brown Bear.
She was like a possessed woman who had hit the peak of her PMT for the month, and who is taking antibiotics so she can’t have any alcohol either (one the crappest combination of events that could happen to coincide…tread carefully men should this ever happen in your household. Tread very, very carefully).
In one swift motion she grabbed Bear with all her stength, pinned him upside down by his ankles and tied him to a pillar.
“You stay away from my husband, me and my children you great big oaf. You bring nothing but trouble and drunken stupidity!” She hollered. (He sounds like my kind of pal to be honest, she’s so tetchy that Ruby…she could do with necking a gin and chilling the chuff out).
Rudolph and Bear just looked at each other in shock, whilst Ruby strutted off with the kids looking very pleased with herself.
Moral of the story….drink Gin.
Then you don’t care what’s going on.
And never test an already tetchy woman, she will undeniably loose her sh&*.