After walking in on his best mate in a compromising situation, Rudolph decided to leave Big Brown Bear and his Monkey friend to it. He shut the door and went downstairs.
Besdies, they’d be chimping about for hours yet and he couldn’t stomach the smell of bananas anymore. They’re ok in a smoothie at a push, but what is with the texture of those things?! It’s like a stick of mashed potato.
Rudolph sat on the step outside his house and watched the snow fall to the ground.
He saw a family walk past and he could hear the giggles of the little ones as they went past.
He missed his wife.
He missed his children.
Then a lightbulb moment happened. (I don’t have those very often anymore, it would appear that all my lightbulbs are on dimmer switches which never get turned up to full capacity…unless I have a Gin. Then I’m a chuffing genius).
“This is my chance,” thought Rudolph.
“My chance to win my wife and children back. Now Blitzen has stuffed up, she will have totally lost her shizzle with him and if I can manage to sort myself out, maybe I can win her over!”
“Right,” he said. “That’s it. NO. MORE. BEER”.
“From today I’m back on it. I’ll be a lean mean reindeer machine by Christmas. Carrots and Water will be the only thing that pass my lips from now on”.
Rudolph went to the cupboard, threw everything out (especially those cheesey balls, eurgh. He couldn’t put another one of those in his mouth, ever) and replaced everything in there with carrots and bottles of Santa’s spring (it’s a brand of water in Lapland. It’s made from melt ice that falls down a ravine near Santa’s workshop. He then gets the elves to bottle it up and sells it for £5.50).
Rudolph dusted off his exercise DVD, Lean Mean Venison Machine, and did the hardcore 45 minute, non-stop workout. He felt like his heart was going to explode by the end of it but he was really proud of himself for even turning the DVD on (it’s further than I ever get with my Davina McCall one…one day I’ll get further than the main menu).
He stuffed a carrot in his mouth and downed a glass of water. He felt amazing. Perhaps a little hungry, and like he wanted a beer, but amazing.
“Here’s to a fresh start,” said Rudolph.
Today is a new day…