I watched a programme the other night, ‘Mary Berry’s Foolproof Cooking’.
Mary Berry is THE BEST. The woman can do no wrong in my eyes…until now. Don’t get me wrong, I still love the woman, wish I could bake half as well as she can and want to adopt her as my own Grandma so she can bake for me, but something struck me last night…
She is claiming that she can show you ‘fuss free’ and ‘quick and easy’ ways to cook meals that are still impressive.
This programme clearly isn’t aimed at me. ‘The mum with 3 kids who has a toddler that doesn’t leave your side even when you go for a wee’.
Mary has clearly aimed this programme at people who have a nanny, au pair, a husband that actually watches the kids when at home so his wife can cook rather than watching Top Gear whilst they create carnage, or for people who don’t have small children. I hope Mary hasnt forgotten what it’s like trying to cook if you have small children around. There’s not a cat in hell’s chance I can just whizz a Beef Wellington together or pop to Waitrose for some Lobster tails which I have to faff around with stuffing back into their shells the opposite way round to make it look ‘pretty’…scampi is almost like lobster anyway isn’t it?!
So, for all you mums/parents out there, here is the, ‘Life is Knutts’ version of ‘Foolproof Cooking’…
- Get cheese, grate it.
- Get bread, grill it on one side.
- Once brown (burnt will do if you had to change a nappy and forgot about it under the grill) turn over.
- Toast very slightly on this side.
- Remove from grill, throw cheese on.
- Grill again until melted or you’re bored of waiting and eat – best served with a toddler hanging off your leg.
Recipe 2: Tortellini Pasta
- Get pasta out of fridge.
- Boil a pan of water.
- Throw pasta in.
- Cook for 5 minutes (don’t worry if it boils over because your toddler wanted you to build his train track for the 5th time of the day so he can smash it apart in a matter of seconds again)
- Throw in a bowl and eat,maybe with some cheese on top if you’re feeling like you want to push the boat out. Best served while you’re being shouted at for “Juice!!!!” and “yum yums!” by your toddler.
Recipe 3: Mars Bar
- Open fridge.
- Get Mars Bar.
- Open it.
- If you’re feeling like you have time, maybe cut it into little pieces so it looks more dainty and so you can stop yourself after a couple of bits if you wish (hahaha! Ridiculous suggestion, of course I’m going to eat the whole bloody thing!)
- Eat. (Best served whilst one of your children yells at you saying, “I’ve finished my poo now! Can you come and check I’ve wiped my bum!”)
I hope you enjoyed this weeks recipes. Happy cooking!